Shedo the Manhog - The Movie
by DocAzure
Summary: Nicolas Cage, proclaimed actor, is called by director M. Night Shamalamadingdong to assist in his latest shitfest. My first fic with ZERO sexual content! Still as 'good' as always, though.


"MARIAH, I WILL AVENGE YOU BY KILLING THE MAN THAT HAD SEX WITH YOU...you cheating whore...why did she take the kids...WHY!"

Shedo fell to his knees, tears falling from his messed up face. Now, this 'manhog' was really just a furrie wearing a Shadow the Hedgehog costume. This bastard refused to give up his costume, so his wife packed her bags and got the fuck out of dodge. He couldn't call himself 'Shadow Man' because Crapcom suck, so he decided on the name SHEDO...he saw it on tumblr once...

Studying this...sad excuse for a man, was another...man, a man called Shamalamadingdong. He was looking for another plot twist to add to his latest attempt at a commercial and critical flop.

"I NEEEEEED THIS MAN...HE CAN BE IN MY NEW PICTURE...SHEDO THE MANHOG...a tale of life, death...AND TWEEEEESTS!"

He looked around.

"BUT...I NEED AN ACTOR FOR THIS...MASTERFUL ROLE!"

Picking up his phone, he dialled a number, THAT number.

"Hello?"

"Nicolas...I need you in my office..."

"I'll be...RIGHT THERE!"

~LATER ZAT FOLLOWING EVENING~

Picture the scene, an office, late at night, Nicolas Cage...Shamalamadingdong...

"Nicolas...I think YOU are the actor I need to play...SHEDO THE MANHOG!"

"I like the idea...but do I need to work with any...BEES!"

"NICOLAS, CALM DOWN, THERE'S NO BEES!"

"I...I just had a bad experience, M..."

Cage sprang up from the seat, making his way towards the window.

"Have you ever been taken to the side walk and beaten..." suddenly he grabbed Shamalamadingdong "TILL YOU PISSED...BLOOOOD!"

"NICOLAS PLEASE!"

"I'm sorry..." Cage sat back down "So, when do we start filming?"

"Tomorrow, Nicolas. Tomorrow..."

~Filming Day~

"This suit...itches like FUCK!"

Standing in the middle of the movieset was Cage, wearing a full Shadow costume with the head cut out to reveal his face.

"I know Nicolas...but let me introduce you to your other cast members..."

M lead Cage around the back of the set.

"This is Adam Sandler, he'll be playing the role of Sonic, your rival!"

Cage shot him a death glare, the bastard could never be forgiven for Grown Ups 2.

"Uh...and this here is Samuel L. Jackson, you know him, right? Anyway, he'll be playing the role of Tails..."

"Ya damn straight, mother fucker..."

"This fella here, he's kinda new to acting. This is Bill Nye, he's playing the role of Dr Eggman...the big bad..."

"Heh" Cage laughed "My cat watches your shitty show!"

"Moving on...quickly...this is Jim Carrey, he'll be playing the role of Metal Sonic."

"I'M READY...FOR THE ROLE DOCTOR!" Carrey fell to the floor in a heap

"Anyway...the last of our cast members here are..."

"Will Smith, he's playing Knuckles, the strange...echidna...thing"

"Clint Eastwood, he'll be playing the role of Big, the cat with a lust for frogs."

"Mel Gibson here...he's...a bit insane...but he's playing the role of Omega...a robot..."

Gibson sprang up, screaming in Cage's face before running of into the desert, throwing his clothes off.

"Eh...he does that sometimes..." M lead Cage further down

"Also here is Morgan Freeman, known for playing God, but here, he's pretty much playing Satan...Mephiles."

"Hi...I'm Morgan Freeman...you might re-"

"Yes, Morgan, you have a nice voice, we get it..."

"Anyway...again...this is Jack Nicholson, he's playing the role of the Duke, the bad fucker that seals Satan inside his daughter...WAIT, I SPOILED THE TWEEEEST!"

"I can't...OK, Bill Cosby here, he's playing Silver, the hedgehog from the future!"

"and finally, we've got the girls here...this is...Jack Black? Is this right? He's playing...Elise...? REALLY? Were you guys high...?"

"OK...also here is...Danny DeVito...? Wait...again? Playing...holy shit really? Playing Cream the Rabbit...a 6 year old...the casting crew...really let me down..."

"Right...I swear to god guys, if this is...NO! NO! We're not doing this...Tom Hanks...as Blaze the Cat...I am so suing the production company for this one..."

"OK...let's just get this out the way, playing Amy Rose is...OK...wait...Mila Kunis...that's..."

CRASH

"HOLY SHIT, WHERE DID THAT PLANE COME FROM! IT LANDED RIGHT ON HER! ...she's dead, isn't she?"

"Oh...fuck it, phone Christian Bale, tell him he gets the role..."

"OK, POSITIONS PEOPLE!"

"3...2...1...ACTION!"


End file.
